
Glass. 
Book. 



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BRICKTOP'S 



Com 



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listoiij of Mm 



ILLUSTRATED BY 



THOMAS WORTH 



, 




NEW YORK: 

M. J. IVERS & CO.. PUBLISHERS, 

379 PEARL STREET. 









Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year Wi, by 

31. J. IVERS & CO., 
to the Office of the Librarian of Congress, Washington, D. C. 



Bricktop's Comic History of America. 



BRICKTOFS 



~35 



i^omie l^istory of /lmeri(;a^ 



Speculative historians have lately been advancing theories 
and splintered facts to prove that Christopher Columbus was 
not the original Jacobs in the discovery of America ; but I 
still stick to Chris, because I have pictures relating to the 
affair, the first of which represents him before Ferdinand and 
Isabella, showing them a map of the United States, and trying 
to convince them of what a soft thing they would have if they 
would only send him out to capture it. 

That picture is herewith represented. 

Chris was a first-class drummer, and althougrh he made no 
impression upon " Ferdy," he soon got the ear of " Bella " 
between his teeth, and carried the day by an old-fashioned 
argument. She was so much taken with his proposition that 
she took her jewelry and went to her " uncle's " to raise a 
stake to fit him on his voyage of speculation. 

But " Ferdy " had given her some of those jewels in his 
spooning days, and did not wish to see them in the hands of 
a Simpson, so he came down with the cash and started the 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 




BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 5 

bold sailor on his way rejoicing. It must be understood that 
the King rejoiced as well as Columbus, for he had come to 
look upon him as something of a bore, and spoke of him as 
the " old map peddler." 

But Columbus went right to Work, all the while singing, to 
the tune of the " ButcJicr Boy": 

*' My name is Columbus ; I was born in Genoa, 

Of poor but honest parents, as the story always goes ; 
My father would have me a good, sober citizen, 
But I am bound to be a sailor, by jingoes, or die ! 

*' For many long years I've sailed the salt ocean. 
Many a day I've been dry and been wet, 
But somehow or other I still have a notion 

That there's a country that has not been seen yet," etc., 

working original ideas into the song as they occurred to him. 

Well, in time he got off. There was any quantity of grog 
aboard, of course, and the crew kicked up a rumpus before 
they had got even half-seas over, making it awfully warm for 
the captain. Columbus spent the greater portion of his time 
in the rigging with his telescope, evidently feeling safer there 
than on deck among his mutinous crew, although he pretended 
to be lookins: for soil. 

I have also a picture representing this phase of American 
history, which is herewith given. 

One day he surprised the gang by yelling " Land, ho !" and 
instantly each member of the crew began to stake off claims 
and to speculate in corner lots. 

But Columbus claimed all the corner lots himself, and 
approaching the land, he made preparations for putting his 
foot into it. 

A motley crowd of curious-looking beings flocked to the 



6 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

shore to learn what was taking place, understanding from 
their actions, however, that the new-comers had a taking way 
with them. 

The native gentlemen were clothed mostly with a bow and 




Columbus at the mast-head looking for soil. 

arrow, while the ladies hid their blushes behind a strine of 
beads and some ear-rino-s. 

Columbus did not allow his native modesty to get the better 
of him. Only think of it ! if he had been too bashful to land, 
simply because the people were dressed in the first fashion,, 
the world might not have been inflicted with this history. 

But Chris pretended that he did not see them, or the sign. 



BHK'KTOl'S CUMIC lUSTOKV OF AMERICA. 



o 







8 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

posted on a tree near by, '''Keep off the grass." That was 
just what he did not intend to do ; he came to get on the grass 
of the New World, feeHng that he would be in clover for the 
rest of his life if he could do so. 

So he took possession of the island of St. Salvador in the 
name of Ferdinand and Isabella, without so much as saying, 
" By your leave," to the natives, who were completely taken 
aback. They were never taken possession of before. 

Up to this period they had never seen any samples of 
European cheek, and, as well may be supposed, they were 
completely nonplused by the first gush of it. 

This story may have been told somewhere before, and so I 
will hurry on, simply remarking, by the way, that Columbus 
discovered all he could of this continent, and returned to 
Spain to receive the honors and cuffs consequent upon a 
great success. 

Several other chaps went into the discovery business right 
away, and Amerigo Vespucci made a fool of the rest of the 
world by giving the land his name, and leaving Cabot, Colum- 
bus and others out in the cold, simply because they did not 
possess as much assurance as he did. 

One thing about these discoverers : They all discovered that 
the division of labor between the native men and women was 
very much the same as in Europe ; that is to say, the women 
bore all the burdens and papooses, and did all the work, 
while the men laid off and fished, smoked, or hunted game. 
This fact convinced them that the natives of America were 
true descendants of Adam. 

This, by the way, would be a good nut for the Women's 
Rights folks to wrestle with. There's meat in it, as the 
accompanying illustration, taken from the sketch-book of an 
ancient artist (one of the " old masters"), will show. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTOltY OF AMEUICA. 



Of course, early history didn't amount to much, and so we 
will skip along, leaving Columbus to his fate and to more 
scrupulous historians, and mentioning, by the way, that there 
was an old chap by the name of De Soto who got overland 
discovery on the brain, and after scraping his shins against 







The way the Indians divide the labor ivith their squaws. 

the trees of many forests, and swimming many streams, he at 
length discovered the Mississippi, and hung his name up for 
immortality. 

He attempted to follow its course, but his followers got the 
blind-stacrsfers on account of its crookedness, and wanderinsf 
off in various directions, never met each other again. 



lO 



BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



And there was another old chap who was sweet on a young 
lady in Italy, and who wanted to find a spring whose waters 
would make him young again, so that she would smile upon 
his suit. But he gave it up after searching all over Florida 




De Soto discovers moisture in the valley of the Mississippi. 



and along the Gulf coast, and finally compromised the matter 
with Time by marrying an Indian squaw for cash. 

These little things don't amount to much in history, so we 
will push on past them. 

But when we come to such an event as the saving of the 
life of Captain John Smith by Pocahontas, then it is worth 



BItlCKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMEUICA. 11 

while for the bald-headed historian to sharpen an eagle's quill 
and dive into it. 

Captain John was fooling around in Virginia somewhere, 
and while in the act of gobbling up the territory in the name 
of Queen Lizzie, of England, he was himself snatched by 
King Powhatan, in the name of honesty. 

Now, as Powhatan had never mashed a white man, he had 
a curiosity to see how much they could stand, and how the 
contents of their brain-pans turned out. Smith was a good 
subject, and as he was supposed to be the first and only Smith 
iiving at that time, the old king has been censured severely 
for the weakness he displayed after getting his head on the 
block. 

But he got him down, and ordered his braves to approach 
with their beef-steak pounders and commence on him. They 
were apparently never more willing to obey orders in the 
world ; but just as they raised their clubs. Princess Pocahon- 
tas, the only daughter of Powhatan, rushed to the rescue. 

" Let up, dad," said she ; " I have a snap worth two of 
this !" and placing her plump arm around the doomed man's 
neck, she raised him to his feet, although his hair refused to 
lay down again for more than a week. 

"Come, come. Pokey, what's the meaning of this? Why 
do you interfere with my little experiments ?" 

"You wish to make him sick — sorry that he ever came upon 
your domains — don't you ?" she asked. 

" Yes. Why ?" 

" I have it !" said she, placing her fingers on her lips. " /// 
TJiarry him /" 

" Good !" exclaimed the old king. " Back, braves! We 
turn this experiment over to our beloved daughter." 

■" That settles it," was the general reply. 



12 



BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AIHERICA. 



It is a sad thing for a historian to have to do, the telling of 
truths sometimes, but he has got to brace up to it occasion- 
ally if he expects his book to sell. Smith didn't marry Pokey 
after all, but he kept her on a string long enough to get him- 




Pocahontas saving the life of Cap'n Smith. 



self out of the scrape he was in, and finally compromised the 
matter by getting a fellow by the name of Rolfe to marry her. 

There is one bright ray in this affair : Pokey didn't care 
much which one she married so long as she carried out her 
original idea, and so that Smith escaped to torment the 
directory makers all over the Old and New World afterward. 

In 1609 Henry Hudson came over to this country to find 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF A.AIERICA. 13 

quarters for his Half Moon. He drifted into the river which 
bears his name and sailed gayly up it, creating the first nau- 
tical sensation that the Aborigines had ever enjoyed. 

He was a jolly old cove, was Hudson, and he enjoyed him- 
self hugely as he sailed along, hailing the nations and 
drinking their health, after which he proceeded to beat them 
at trades, and when they ijot mad, he beat them at fii^htiii''-. 

But let us eo east and see what is oroino- on there. 

Several attempts had been made at settling thi:; country, 
but somehow or other there appeared to be too many original 
settlers there for health, and so it was as good as abandoned 
until 1620, when a band (jf Pilgrims moored their bark on a 
wild New England shore. 

Poets called it a bark, but the Mayjloiver was a two-masted 
schooner, and not rated A No. i at that, showing that they 
bark up the wrong tree by such assertions. 

They moored their schooner and then proceeded to move 
ashore. The jolly-boat struck on Plymouth Rock and made 
a hit. They were a highly pious crowd, with the exception of 
Captain Standish, who was licensed to do the swearing for the 
whole colony, he being commander-in-chief of the army. 

This reminds me of a poem by Mrs. Hemans, which I used 
to read at school. If I remember rightly, it ran something 
like this : 

" The waiting braves danced high 
On a stern and rock-bound coast, 
And warriors, 'gainst the stormy sky, 
Their scalping-hatchets tossed. 

" And ererything looked blue. 
The hills and waters o'er. 
When that old AFayfiowcr spilled her crew 
On that wild New Enijland shore. 



14 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HIST©RY OF AMERICA. 







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BRICKTOPS COyUC IIISTOKV OF A31E111CA. IB 

" Not as the free-luncher comes — 
They true-hearted came ; 
Not with a roll of lazy bums 
Who stock to win a game. 

" Not as the stealing come, 
In silence and in fear ; 
They swept that Rock with a brand-new broom, 
And quaffed their home-made beer. 

" Amid the storm they sang, 

And it caused those Reds to flee, 
And the sounding aisles of the dim woods rang 
To the nasal refuoree. 

" The Cape Cod sea-clam soared 

From his nest by the white waves' foam, 
And the hungry bear of the forest roared — 
This was their welcome home." 

I may not have quoted it exactly right, but the sentiment is 
all here. 

The Pilgrims broke ground the moment they struck it. 
Standish, however, swore and broke Red-heads. The princi- 
pal amusement consisted in burning witches and making laws. 

They were very good men, those Pilgrim Fathers, and so 
were the mothers. 

But Pennsylvania looms up not long after the looms of the 
Pilgrims got fairly to work, and William Penn tries his hand 
with the Indians. 

William was a success, and in a very short time he suc- 
ceeded in founding a Mutual Admiration Society with the 
Indians, which lasted as long as the Indians did. 

While the Puritans were fighting the Red-men, he was 
demonstrating]: to the world that the Penn was mightier than 



16 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 




BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



17 



the sword. And he could get a better trade out of them by 
treating- them nicely, too. He was a square man, and he laid 
out Philadelphia after himself. 

Lord Baltimore also did some settling in " My Maryland " 
about this time, and it has remained settled ever since. 




'^<:§-S?^s 






rtSg>^s^ 













William Penn lixingr np a quiet little arrang:ement ivitli the Indians. 

Rhode Island and Connecticut started for themselves, one 
with John Rogers and his seven small children, and the other 
by the Blue-law builders. 

But New York — New Amsterdam then — was the bie^est 
toad in the i)uddle. It was a little Dutch at first, and some- 
what inclined to indulge in one-legged governors ; but the 



18 



BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



colony took deep root from the start, and has flourished 
bravely ever since. 

About this time the Yankee element was developed, caused 
by trading with the Indians. Those Dutch ancestors of ours 
introduced schnapps among the aborigines, and under its mel- 




Tradiiiff with the Indians in New Amsterdam. 



lowinor influence succeeded in skinninor them out of the skins 
they had skinned the animals of, and in this way the skin- 
game was first started in this country. In fact, I look with 
pride upon a picture in the possession of the Historical 
Library — herein reproduced — in which this enterprise is shown 
most pleasantly. In fact, the Indians appear to like this 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 19 

being skinned quite as well as they did the getting of their 
skins full of schnapps, and then going home to pound their 
squaws and talk about " big Injun." 

This goes to show what Indians like, and if the colony of 
Massachusetts Bay had only swindled them good-naturedly 
instead of fighting them, they could have done much better. 

Look at the pictures of New York and Pennsylvania In- 
dians; how much happier they look than the New England 
Reds do ! 

La Salle, a famous French adventurer, also did some 
handsome discovering up among the lakes and down the Mis- 
sissippi to the Gulf of Mexico. But he got murdered by his 
companions for attempting to do too much in this line. 

People were queer even in those days. They would have 
murdered Columbus before he had discovered anything, and 
they banged brave La Salle because they got tired of follow- 
ing him through his findings. 

But it will not do to moralize or be too particular in a 
comic history, so let us move on, and if there are any irregu- 
larities regarding events or dates, let us fall back as novelists 
and dramatists do, and say, " A lapse of years is sup- 
posed to take place between such and such points." 

The English and P>ench were rivals, and each was bent on 
gobbling up the largest portion of the new continent, while 
the Spaniards contented themselves with Mexico and South 
America. 

This rivalry brought about a fight, of course, and our own 
great George had the honor of getting first blood in the 
French and Indian War, as it was called. George was game, 
but really no chicken when appointed to command the 
Colonists in after years. 

General Braddock was sent over by George II. to settle the 



20 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



French and Indian hash, but he put his foot into it. He 
assumed to know everything that related to powder and steel, 
and when young Washington tried to show him that Indian 
fio-hting differed slightly from that of other nations, he pro- 




WasLiugtou ivarning General Braddock. 

ceeded to elevate his well-colored nose and to pooh ! pooh I 
the game young Virginian. 

He didn't pooh ! pooh ! so much when the Indians got at 
him. But he made a very good funeral, if he did prove a 
failure as an Indian fighter. 

It was a long, bloody war, and some of the brightest names 
in American history received their first polish in it. Wash- 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



2t 



ington, Franklin, Gates, Putnam, Arnold, Wolfe, IMont- 
gomery, Morgan, and a host of others, lucky men who were 
not born to be for<jotten. 

But the English triumphed, and the French were wiped and 
blown out completely, and a large number of Red-skins were 




Death of King riiil-up.— A sad ii.iriiliif,'. 

sent skipping through the happy hunting-grounds. This was 
one of the best results of the war. 

Well, things went on pretty lively after that, for the Indians 
began to think they could fight, and they did make it pretty 
warm for the settlers in various parts of the country, althoufrh 
it ended, of course, in a happy hunting-ground picnic for them. 



22 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

Old Putnam gave it to them in Connecticut. You know- 
Old Put ? The chap that went into the wolf's den and played 
ball with its landlord. He won that game, as he \^on many 
others afterward. 

In fact, the American boys were kept in fighting trim nearly 




Futuam and the wolf. 

all the time after the French War, until they got their spines 
into a curved attitude regarding the despotism of England. 

During this preparatory scrimmaging, King Philip and 
several other big Injuns went to grass and gave up the busi- 
ness of fighting entirely, and when the Colonists began to 
squirm and to talk back at England, the Reds had pretty 



BRICKTOPS COMIU IILSToKV UF AMKKICA. 



23 



o-enerally come to the conclusion that their destiny was to be 
wiped out. 

But now we are on the eve of the Revokition. Let us take 
breath. (No, thank you, nothing stronger.) 

England seemed to feel that Brother Jonathan was destined 




The way the Colonists served John Bull, Esq., and his stamp. 



i 



to become a big boy, and soon after he had shown himself in 
the French War, she began to put the screws on, fearing that 
he would assert himself some time against her. 

One of the first real cunning things she did was to pass the 
Stamp Act; but England's representative got chased from the 



24 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

soil with his blarsted old stamp on his shoulder. Then 
Johnny Bull stamped and pulled his hair. 

Then he attempted to tax tea, and Jonathan, thinking that 
was not exactly the T, dumped a! £ew ship loads of it into a 
huge tea-pot known as Boston Harbor, and it was a strong 
drawing. 

But wasn't John Bull mad when he heard how his boy had 
been cutting up ! He was. He danced and howled, and 
swore " He'd knock 'is blarsted 'ead hoff ; the lubberly colonial 
hupstart!" 

" That 'er blarsted boy hof mine his a-gittin' too big for 'is 
small clothes, han', by Jove ! H'i think as 'ow I'll take 'im 
down a bit ! The blarsted hidiot ! To say that I 'aven't the 
right to tax 'im whatever I like ! Why, I'll bust the 'ole 'ead 
hoff of 'im ! Didn't I save 'im from a-bein' chewed hup by 
them bloody Frenchmen hand Hindians? Hand now the 
blarsted hupstart is a-talkin' back to me ! Zounds !" 

And so Johnny sent over a few thousand of his troops to 
" punch our 'eads " for us. He never stopped to think that 
the boy Jonathan was nearly man-grown, and with a little 
experience would be likely to interpose some energetic objec- 
tions to having his head punched. 

Well, three or four thousand of his troops landed in Bos- 
ton and attempted to enforce the Quartering Act ; that is, to 
quarter themselves upon the Colonists and make them pay 
the bills. Quartering Act, indeed ! The Americans refused 
to stand the half of it. 

The result was that Johnny's soldiers found themselves 
obliored to grub for their o-rub, and as forao-inor was rather 
risky, they fell back on Government hard-teck and herring, 
while the Colonists were endeavorinor to sfet a hearinor before 
the British Parliament. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AaAIERICA. 



25 




The way John Bull cut up wheu lio heard the news of the trouble 

in Boistou. 



26 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

Failing in this, they got mad, and kicked the uniformed 
representatives of His Majesty, and they in turn shed first 
blood in the streets of Boston. This bloody business roused 
the blood on both sides, and things began to boil. 

Sam Adams, Joe Warren, and John Hancock placed fuel 
under the pot and kept it boiling, and in the meantime the 
patriots gathered a store of ammunition at the little town of 
Concord, near Boston, on which to draw in case of emergency. 

General Gage knew of this, and resolved to scoop it in, 
hoping in this way to discourage the boys. So he sent a 
detachment of eight hundred men under Major Pitcairn, by a 
roundabout way, to capture the stores. But the Minute men, 
and especially Paul Revere, got wind of the move, and at 
once rode through the country from house to house, alarming 
the patriots and calling them to arms for the purpose of 
defending their property. But he didn't have to break down 
many doors before he got the people roused and on the road 
to Concord. 

Adams and Hancock were located somewhere In the neigh- 
borhood, and the officers had special instructions to take them 
without opening, if possible, but on the half shell, if needs be. 

It was a very warm day, and they were gathering in hot 
haste. The British, however, took it cool, and on their arrival 
found about a hundred raw countrymen drawn up on the little 
green. They might have been green to stake their all thus on 
that little green, but they succeeded in firing that tremendous 
"shot heard round the world," of which we have heard so 
much. 

Major Pitcairn pulled his cocked hat down until it rested on 
his nose, and then pulling his sword, boldly advanced upon 
the raws. 

'' Rebs, throw down your arms and git !" he shouted. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



27 



" Oh, you go shoot yourself !" shouted the patriots. 

"Shoot myself, eh, you blackguards? Well, I will shoot if 
you are afraid to open the ball !" said he ; and turning, he dis- 
charged his pistol in the air, smelled of the smoking barrel to 
get his courage up, and then ordered his men to fire. 




Tiiul Revere ulanniiijj tlic people an«l calliiij? tlicm to ariii.x. 

* 
And they did fire, toppling over six or seven of the patri- 
ots, and really opening the ball with a volley of them. Then 
began a running fire — a little more running than firing, per- 
haps — until the British were masters of the situation. 

But they had eaten only the outside of the apple yet ; they 
had not come to the core. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 




Major Piteairn. at Concord, demanding the militia to lay down 

their arms. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 29 

After doing everything but capturing Adams and Hancock, 
they started to return, and then they came to the core, and a 
seedy old core it was, too. The now thoroughly roused 
patriots, with fresh recruits from the surrounding towns, fol- 
lowed up the retreating regulars and pinked them from front, 
flank, and rear, firing from behind fences, walls, trees, and life 
insurance policies. 

The result was that Johnny Bull got the first peppering of 
the campaign, and by the time he reached Lexington, half of 
his men had experimented in dust-biting and offered no 
further resistance ; and had not re-enforcements met them 
there, not a soul of them would have lived to eet back ao-ain 
to Boston. 

All thino^s considered, it was a crlorious fisfht, and it roused 

the Colonists from one end of the land to the other, cutting 

off all further hope of compromise or patchwork. Patrick 

Henry, of Virginia, had it right when he asked, "What is it 

-that gentlemen wish ? What will they have ?" 

They all concluded to have a bayonet jDunch, with powder 
trimminors. 

General Gage proved himself a green gage in this affair, 
for the Colonists flocked around Boston in thousands, and 
throwing up intrenchments from Roxbury to the Mystic River, 
soon shut him up completely — canned him, so to speak. 

But re-enforcements arrived for him, and then he went on 
with his bluster, declaring martial law, but offering to pardon 
all who would lay down their arms, with the exception of 
Adams and. Hancock. This only made matters worse, for 
General Ward, with Putnam, Prescott, Stark, and Warren, 
kept on making things warmer and warmer for him, and even 
the boys in the streets whistled " Yankee Doodle " in liis ears. 

Finally Prescott was sent with a detachment to fortify 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 




m » 



BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 31 

Bunker Hill, in Charlestown, from which point he could com- 
mand Boston completely ; but in his anxiety to get as near 
the enemy as possible, he went on to Breed's Hill and began 
to throw up earthworks there in the night. 

When Gage awoke the next morning, his eyes were opened. 
If the patriots were allowed to fortify that point, he would 
have to dust out of Boston on the double-quick, so prepara- 
tions were at once made to dislodge them. 

This attempt resulted in the Battle of Bunker Hill, wherein 
the British got the worst dose of Yankee Doodle that they 
received during the whole war. 

But the patriots were taken at a disadvantage and before 
they had half finished their fortifications or gathered half 
enough men to withstand the shock, they stayed long enough 
to put one thousand of Gage's best men out of the way where 
they wouldn't have to train any more. 

The British won the hill, but they didn't appear to want 
any more hills at that price, while from that blood-soaked 
mount a monument rose in after days at Webster's eloquent 
bidding, and now pierces the clouds with its starry flags and 
beacon lights for all the world to see. 

(Historians always have to sling in a little highfalutin in 
order to make Boston feel good.) 

Very few of the survivors of that battle live to tell the 
story. I got this second-handed, although the old chap at 
first tried to make me believe he was there. But when, by 
judicious cross-questioning, he gave himself away as being 
only seventy-five years of age, it wasn't hard to convince him 
that he must have been very young when the battle took 
place. 

But almost every other man you meet had an ancestor 
there, which fact confuses historians verv much, leadino- them 



32 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

to believe that there must have been at least several millions 
of ancestors at this first great shooting match. 

Yet, I suppose we are all excusable for this little vanity of 
patriotism, and if our ancestors were not there, it isn't our 
fault ; it's no reason why we should spoil a good story, or be 
suspected of belonging to an inferior race of beings. 

But now we come to deal with the great and immortal 
George. 

A fortnight after the battle of Bunker Hill he arrived in 
Cambridge, with the commission of commander-in-chief, and on 
June 2d, 1775, unsheathed his rib-tickler under the " Wash- 
inorton Elm." 

The blade creaked a little as he drew it forth, for it had 
been some time since he had used it, and not being given to 
whipping it out at every dog-fight and election, it had become 
somewhat rusty. 

The patriots shouted until their tonsils ached, and it was a 
day of general jubilee, to say nothing of the other generals 
who took part in the affair. A copy of Trumbull's picture 
will adorn this part of my history, from sketches by our 
special artist taken on the spot. Our artist, by the way, has 
touched up several historical pictures to adorn this work, and 
when the reader gets full of feeling over these pages, he can 
expend the surplus on the artist. 

Well, speaking of Washington, he went right to work to 
put his army in shape and give Congress sometliing to do to 
provide for it. It was kept pretty busy, although they could 
enact as many laws and pass as many resolutions as a modern 
Congress can. 

General Gage had been bounced and superseded by Howe, 
and he in turn found his hands pretty tolerably full in keeping 
himself in Eoston. Washington drew a fiery belt around 



BHICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 









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84 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

« 

him on the land side, leaving only the harbor as a way out of 
the hot-bed he had made for him, and he danced around all 
that season, and until St. Patrick's day in the morning of the 
following March, when he packed his valise and set sail for 
New York. 

Great was the joy of Boston on this occasion. Bells rang, 
does barked, euns bellowed, and the nasal twanof was heard 
to the uttermost part of the world. Up to this time Wash- 
ington had been known as a civil engineer, and General Howe 
afterward acknowledoed that he was never engineered out of 
a place so civilly before in his whole military experience as he 
had been out of Boston. 

After the jubilation was over, Washington moved his army- 
toward New York, whither he had dispatched General Lee 
with a division, which arrived there the very day that the 
British appeared in the harbor. This so enraged Sir Henry 
Clinton, the commander, that he went off in a huff witli his 
back up, and sailed for Virginia, where he also found the 
patriots ready to receive him. In fact. Sir Henry never did 
succeed in doin^ but little more than Ga^e or William Howe 
had done, being something of a dandy general, and more in 
cfeneral than a soldier. 

Sir William Howe didn't do much better than Gage had 
done, although the open winter favored him somehow in not 
freezing up the harbor of Boston, otherwise Washington 
never would have allowed him to escape any Howe. How- 
ever, he; got away, as before related, taking with him a large 
number of Tories, and landing them in Halifax, a point 
almost as far away, although a great many degrees colder, as 
the patriots wished them. 

As before remarked, Sir Henry Clinton found it so warm 
about Virginia that he concluded to scoop in South Carolina 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 33 

instead, for he was bound to make his mark somewhere, and 
while Washington was fortifying New York and vicinity, he 
sailed for Charleston, with blood in his eye and wrath beneath 
his wig-, being bound to hurt somebody bad. 

Colonel Moultrie was waiting for him behind some fortifi- 
cations on Sullivan's Island, and when the British fleet 
attempted to enter the harbor, they became entangled on the 
shoals, and were so warmly welcomed by Moultrie's guns that 
they were compelled to retire with broken noses and the loss 
of one ship. Sir Henry was getting along bravely, and if he 
had been allowed to head a few more expeditions, it is safe to 
say that the war would have ended several years sooner than 
it did. 

The gallant defense of Charleston harbor by Moultrie and 
his men was worthy of praise, and they received it. It was 
plucky work, and the first of the kind that the Americans had 
done. 'Rah ! 

Meanwhile, Thomas Jefferson took it into his head to write 
a Declaration of Independence, and procuring a huge eagle's 
quill, he sat himself down to the task. It might be as well to 
omit that declaration in this history, since it is pretty gen- 
erally known from having been read so often by Fourth of 
July orators ; but I feel that the work would be incomplete 
unless I noted the fact of its being a pretty cogent document, 
and that it has proved quite a success. 

Boston was as good as left out in the cold now, for the 
theater of action was in New York and Philadelphia, and 
after debating over the declaration a few days, it was finally 
signed on the Fourth of July, 1776. 

That was a great event. Up to this time St, Patrick's was 
the biggest day in the calendar ; but from the hour that the 
old bell on Independence Hall pealed forth the glad tidings, 



36 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



tellino^ the world that our statesmen had put their fists to this 
document, St. Patrick was obhged to lower the key of his cat- 
gut and play second fiddle. 

They had no associated presses, telegraphs, or lightning 
expresses in those days, but the news spread over the land 




Thomas Jefferson at iTork upon the Declaratiou of Independence. 

tolerably fast on horseback, and created quite as great a sen- 
sation as it would have done had it gone by lightning or 
steam. But the news arrived in many places so late that the 
celebration took place late in the following August. But it 
was the Fourth of July all the same. 

A respectable army was encamped on Long Island, where 



BKK'KTUl'S ('O:\IIC UlsroKV OF AMERICA. 37 

Brooklyn now stands, under the command of General Put- 
nam, while the British held possession of Staten Island as a 
base of operations. From these two points the armies made 
snoots at each other, shook their fists, and dared each other 
to walk out and meet half-way for a muss. This daring each 
other went on until the 27th of August, when the British 
crossed over from Staten Island and advanced upon the 
Americans in three divisions. Then thino-s bec^an to look 
lively. 

Washinorton left New York and crossed over to Lone Island 
to superintend the fun ; but it failed to turn out very funny 
for his army, although it was funny how it managed to escape 
without being gobbled up. The Americans fought bravely, and 
had the generalship been equal to their valor, the bald-headed 
historian might have thrown up his hat with a cheer at this 
point. But the fact of the matter is, the British succeeded in 
almost entirely surrounding the Americans before they knew 
it, and so they got shaky on their pins and pegged for their 
intrenchments with great loss. 

Night coming on, Howe rang the bell for supper, and put 
off the gobbling up of Washington's army until the next da}^ 
There is where he made a mistake. Washington Q-ot out of 
that without loss of time, and Howe followed him over to 
New York, up to Harlem, White Plains, and at length over 
into New Jersey, keeping the good man on the jump night 
and day, until nearly all of his army had melted away. Those 
were the blue days — the days that tried men's soles — as they 
were kept on them so continually. 

On the 8th of December, with a beggarly army of three 
thousand men, Washington was hounded out of New Jersey 
by Cornwallis, and, sick at heart, he crossed the Delaware into 
Pennsylvania, the British general by this time becoming tired 



38 



BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 




BRICKTOFS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 39 

of the chase, and going- into quarters on the New Jersey side 
of tlie river. 

But this is not the " Crossing of the Delaware " of which 
we have read and seen so much. The real, genuine, Simon 
pure crossing occurred a week or two later. 

It may be imagined that Washington was mad about this 
time. And wasn't it enough to make a man mad to be 
bounced and driven about from pillar to post, as he had been 
since the battle of Long Island ? So he resolved to make a 
historical picture of himself, if nothing else. Hence the 
picture of " Washington crossing the Delaware." 

But it wasn't altogether a tableau party after all. The 
truth was, there was a crowd of wild Hessians at Trenton, 
and Washington was resolved on finding out how much they 
could stand, and to do this he crossed the river, angry 
with the flood and surging ice, and fell upon them un- 
awares. He smote them hip and thigh, in front and in the 
rear — mostly in the rear, however, for they gave the lie to 
those who had all along maintained that they could not run 
like blazes. 

This little job was another feather in the cap of General 
Washington, and fairly offset the Long Island disaster, which 
had given everybody the blues. Then it was give and take 
for awhile, but mostly " take " on Washington's part, since he 
was obliged to give up Philadelphia, and take up with what 
he could find in the shape of winter quarters at Valley Forge. 
Here the army was reduced to skin and bone, and the bluest 
old winter worried away that ever tried patriot hearts or the 
barn-yards of \ surrounding country. 

Whenever a person becomes indifferent, or doesn't feel like 
celebrating the Fourth of July, let him turn to the history of 
this awful winter, and if he doesn't feel more like burning 



40 



BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AlVIERICA. 




as- 



be 

=3 



S 



6C 






BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 41 

powder in honor of our patriot forefathers, he had better go 
out and shoot himself. 

But we will turn from this gloomy picture to a brighter and 
more active one on the Hudson River, above Albany, whither 
General Burgoyne had been sent with a brilliant army of 
about ten thousand men, for the purpose of cutting a way 
through to Canada. General Schuyler was in command of 
the Americans, and got pretty well pounded around before 
Congress took the command from him and oave it to General 
Gates. 

Then there was a turn in the tide of affairs. Burgoyne 
found himself in want of horses and provisions, and as the 
British had thus far helped themselves to whatever they 
wanted, he sent a strong detachment to Bennington to scoop 
in the accumulation of stores collected there. General Stark 
got stark mad at this display of cheek, and at the head of his 
Green Mountain boys, he marched out and put a head on that 
expedition in the most expeditious manner. 

Burgoyne concluded not to fool around in that quarter any 
more, and as it was getting rather warm and sickly about 
there, he resolved to rest awhile at Saratos^a, noted to this 
day for being a good resort for sick folks. 

But Saratoofa water wouldn't save him. Gates worried 
him on all sides, and finally at Bemus Heights gave him a 
taste of what was coming — a sort of bust in the nose before 
the final knock-down. 

During this engagement General Arnold displayed the 
most daring and reckless bravery, fighting like a wild cat, with 
the bullets whizzing around him like hail. In fact, I have it 
from an old inhabitant of Saratoga, who got it from another 
old chap, that he employed five negroes to bring him horses 
to have shot down under him. 



42 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



Some sober historians have insisted that Arnold was drunk 
during this engagement, but if he really was, what a pity that 
General Gates had not given a pint of the same rum to several 
others that day. But, drunk or sober, he fought bravely ; and 
as it is the province of the present historian to give the devil 




Arnold at the battle of Saratoga. 



his due, let it be here recorded that in spite of what he after- 
ward did, Benedict Arnold, at the battle of Bemus Heights, 
was the bravest of the brave, and by his conduct and example 
turned the tide of war. 

In the next battle that Burgoyne risked, he got a head put 
on him so big that King George could never get ahead of it. 



BRIOKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AiMERICA. 



43 



Finding that the raw recruits from the country towns were too 
much for him, and that they were gathering on all sides of 
him, he concluded to throw up the sponge. Gates had no 
particular need of it, for he had already wiped him out. 

So on the 17th of October, 1777, the haughty Burgoyne, 




The siirreiuler of Burgoyne. 

who had started out with such great expectations, surrendered 
his battered sword to General Gates. Then American free- 
men howled ; then the bald-headed eade screamed and 
soared, and for the time being the British lion was a lion on 
his back. 'Rah ! 

That season passed with but little else than hurrahing over 



44 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 




m 






liliiiilPliip*^ 111 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY (JF A.^IEKICA. 48 

Burgoyne's surrender, so far as the North was concerned, 
although Washington was being pounded around badly in 
Pennsylvania and New Jersey, and was finally driven into 
winter quarters at Valley Forge, his army reduced by sick- 
ness and desertion until it could hardly charge a tlock of 

sheep. 

Add to this the terrors of one of the severest winters ever 
known, and understand that his army was half naked and had 
hardly any shelter from the weather, and you have only a 
portion of the picture, for starvation threatened them on every 
side. Strip a man's back and pinch his belly, and you have a 
very good test of his patriotism if he stands it without kicking. 

The men at Valley Forge didn't kick — they lacked the 
strength to. But Washington got a permit from Congress to 
buy of the surrounding farmers, whether they wanted to sell 
or not, paying them in scrip worth about as much as Con- 
federate money now is. 

• But this made trade good— for the army— and by close 
attention to business they managed to skin through the win- 
ter, but came out of it very skinny themselves. 

About this time F>ance gave us a hand, and things began 
to look squally for J. Bull, Esq. He began to think that 
possibly he had put his foot in it, and sent over some com- 
missioners to try and coax us to be good, and promised to 
take it all back if we would only lay down our arms. 

But Jonathan had his back humped for a fight, and he was 
feelino- more like it now than ever, and so the lordly commis- 
sionerswere sent back with fleas in their auricular organs. 

General Clinton concluded to git up and git out of Phila- 
phia (from which he had driven Congress), and to make his 
way back to New York again. He started to go, and Wash- 
inc^ton followed him. It was the American eagle's turn now, 



46 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF A3IERICA. 




BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 47 

and how he screamed as he hung on the flanks of that retreat- 
ing- army ! 

Coming up to Clinton near Monmouth Court House, Wash- 
ington ordered General Lee to sick 'em ! and that impetuous 
bundle of selfishness attempted to do it, while the commander- 
in-chief followed with re-enforcements. 

Lee found the British lion quite able to kick back while 
eoinof ahead, and fearinor that he mio^ht q-qI scratched, he ran 
back to meet Washington, who, finding his division in dis- 
order, through his ofificer's cowardice, rode up to him and gave 
him a piece of his mind large enough to make a tent of. In 
other words, he blowed him up, used cuss words, called him a 
dough-head, and threatened to have him suspended. 

Lee turned up his nose, of course, for he was a high-born 
cuss ; and besides, he knew that Washington didn't have time 
to tweak it just then (but he did it afterward, though, 
figuratively speaking), for there was disorder to check, and 
the battle of Monmouth to be fouQ-ht. 

That battle was fought until night let down the act-drop, 
and both armies retired. Clinton escaped during the night, 
and Washinorton refused to follow him, knowincr that Lord 
Howe would be waiting to take him on board his ships at 
Sandy Hook. 

The French lent us considerable encouragement and moral 
influence that year, but not much fighting, especially as 
resfards their fleet under D'Estainsf. But it showed their 
good intentions, and helped to make John Bull sicker than he 
was. 

The war was prosecuted at the South with great vigor, 
where General Green, with his barefooted legion, made it ex- 
ceedingly lively for the British in every quarter, as did also 
Marion and Morgan. Fire and sword were carried to almost 



48 BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

every town and village in the South, but the retiii'ii fire was 
the best. 

This year was marked by one of the most desperate naval 
battles ever fought. Paul Jones was cruising on the British 
coast in September, in command of three small ships that had 
been fitted out in France, when he fell in with two large 
Eno-lish frisfates with a convoy of merchant vessels. The 
battle began at sunset, and early in the engagement Jones 
lashed his own ship, the Bon Homme Richard, to the frigate 
Serapis, and the battle was continued with the guns of the 
two ships almost muzzle to muzzle. But Jones meant busi- 
ness ; he wasn't there for fun at all. The vessels were on fire 
several times, and the boarders were driven back frequently ; 
but no one thought of giving up except, possibly, those who 
got killed. 

But pluck won, and at ten o'clock the Serapis gave it up 
and surrendered, as did the other frigate. And not a moment 
too soon, for the Richard had been cuffed so badly that she 
sunk before daylight the next day. And yet Jones didn't care 
much ; he had all the ships he wanted now, and was hailed 
" Bully Boy of the Ocean !" 

Things looked considerably brighter at the close of this 
year than they did the year before. The American army, 
under command of Stony Point Wayne, went into winter 
quarters at Morristown, New Jersey, and as Brother Jona- 
than's cupboard was somewhat better stocked with grub than 
it had been the year before, the lads had a much better time 
of it than at Valley Forge. 

The British, during this winter, enjoyed a sort of picnic 
walk-over in the Carolinas, and again things looked like a cold 
nose for the United States ; and when grub grew scarce, and 
it took thirty Continental dollars to buy a silver one, then the 



BRICKTOPS COimC llibTOltV (;F AMKHICA. 



49 



enemy thought they would put a finishing touch upon the 
business by attacking the half-famished soldiers at Morris- 
town. They got hit on the nose and went back to New York 
for a handkerchief. 

This year was made memorable by Arnold's treason. He 




The capture of Major Andre at Tarrytowu. 

got cranky, and tried to sell out West Point to the enemy, and 
he would have succeeded in doing so had not Major Andre, 
the negotiator appointed by Clinton to carry out the trade, 
been caught by three patriots at Tarrytown, on his way back 
to New York with the documents in his possession. 

He tried to buy them off, offering his ticker and all the 



so BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

loose change he had about him ; but they wouldn't have it, 
and he, poor devil ! had to swing, while Arnold went scot- 
free, and worked out the deviltry that was in him by burning, 
murdering, and plundering on the side of England. 

Generals Green and Marion, together with several other 
brave partisans, made it pretty warm for the British in the 
South ; and finding that they were making but little headway 
there, Cornwallis turned his nose northward, and South Caro- 
lina again took her place in the Union. 

In this connection the French, both with ships and men, 
rendered our cause good service ; and after cooping Cornwallis 
up in Yorktown, they proceeded leisurely to give him the 
worst old drubbino; that a sfeneral ever orot. In fact, the 
" Corn " was all shelled off ; and when he threw up the sponge 
and handed his sword over to Washington, he was only a 
Cob-wallis, and hardly hog-fodder at that. 

This business cooked the English goose, said goose being 
George III. Reluctantly Parliament concluded to shut pan 
and call off the dogs of war, which they did in the month of 
March, 1782. 

But still there was trouble and no money at home. The 
army could not be paid, and, of course, not disbanded with- 
out it; and at Newburg, on the Hudson, both officers and 
men got their back up and proposed to make a king of Wash- 
ingfton. But none for George. He wouldn't have it, and 
finally pacified them. 

After much red tape in Paris, the commissioners, in Sep- 
tember, 1783, signed a final treat)^ and a telegraph dispatch 
was sent over for the British to come 'ome, and on the 25th 
of November they left New York at the Battery, and Wash- 
ington entered it from the north. And we've had it ever 
since. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



61 




S2 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AltlERICA. 




Embarkatiou of the British from New York for 'ome. 



BRICKTOP'S COMIC IIISTOm OK AMIOKICA. 



33 



Things being- fixed up all right, Washington took leave of 
his officers, and, like the noble man he was, went to Annapolis, 
and with solemn dignity surrendered his commission to Con- 
eress, after which he retired to his farm at Mount Vernon, 
arriving there just in time to sow his winter wheat. 




The Indiana were still bent ou fjoiiig for hair. 

Liberty and Onion ! 

Brother Jonathan had broken away from the parental apron- 
string, and in doing so had shown much pluck. Now he was 
at liberty to do as he pleased. Now he was of age, and the 
way he did kick up his heels ; the way that bald-headed, wide- 
spreading, high-stepping, double-gaffed American eagle did 
scream for a few months was a caution to Tories and tyrants ! 



84 BKICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

But after his spree he got right down to the business of 
running a nation, made a constitution, held his first election, 
and with his whole voice called Washington, " The first in war, 
first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen !" to 
the dignity of first President, and the ship of State was 
launched in first-class style. 

And so we started, with enemies on all sides, even France 
giving us the bony shoulder on account of some political 
misunderstanding, while the Indians in the West appeared to 
be just dying to be thrashed. Brave General Wayne gave 
them satisf'action, and made them sorry that they had ever 
listened to England, who incited them in the hope of reopen- 
inof the fi^ht and orettino- hunk. 

But Jonathan was growing all the while, and after electing 
two or three Presidents, and findingr that he could live throuorh 
a political campaign all right, he concluded not to stand any 
more. of Daddy Bull's impudence in pressing our seamen, and 
President Madison declared war against the old tyrant in 1812. 

Of course we had a little fighting on land, such as Hull's 
victory; but the most brilliant portion of it was on the water. 
Captain Ike Hull (no relation to the other Hull) and the 
gallant old Constitution knocked the stuffing and the pride all 
out of the frigate La Guerriere, near the Gulf of St. Law- 
rence, and Captain Decatur, in the frigate United States, 
warmed and captured the frigate Macedonian. The frigate 
President captured J. Bull's' floating money-box, with two 
hundred thousand dollars in specie. These, with a few little 
flare-ups at different points, punctuated the year 181 2. 

The next year old " Tippecanoe " opened the ball in the 
North-west, making it lively for both the British and their 
Indian allies, while a young United States officer by the 
name of Perry, after actually building a fleet of vessels, 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF A^MERICA, 



63 



cJ5 




« 
S6 BRICKTOP'S COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 

sailed for Captain Barclay, the commander of the British fleet, 
on Lake Erie, and after one of the pluckiest fights ever re- 
corded, blew them all out of water, and then originated that 
more than Csesarian dispatch : " We have met the enemy, 
and they are ours !" 

Once more did the bird of freedom scream ! 

A few more brilliant victories in the North feathered young 
Jonathan's cap very nicely, and he went into winter quarters, 
while Jackson was playing lively tunes for the enemy in the 
South, where, at Tallapoosa, he pricked the bubble of the 
Creek War by a brilliant victory. 

As an offset to these battles, and just to show the world 
that we were no slouch of a nation, the Hoi'iiet, a little sloop 
of war, commanded by Captain Lawrence, walloped and 
picked the feathers off the British frigate Peacock in fifteen 
minutes by the clock. 

General Scott warmed the enemy at Chippewa and Lundy's 
Lane, and at Plattsburg they got shook up so vigorously that 
the army of veterans, who had just come from Waterloo, 
found a little Waterloo of their own, and surrendered. 

But the British captured and burned Washington, and 
attempted to do the same for Baltimore, but somehow they 
ran against a snag in the shape of Fort McHenry, and con- 
cluded to retire. It was while under this fire that the genius 
of liberty gave birth to the " Star Spangled Banner." 

Long may it wave ! 

The next blow — a reofular knock-down and finisher — was 
given by General Jackson at New Orleans. This settled 
Johnny Bull, and he has never attempted to fool with his 
fiofhtinof son since then. 

In the meantime, Stat€ after State had been settled, de- 
veloped, and joined to the Union, and things were lively all 



LcfC. 



BlilCKTOPS CO.MIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



57 









o 



99 




dil;;llliilllliiiii;ii,i:li! 



'''"lies"- 



1 PPf'S^^H: 









58 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 



around the political firmament. The cotton-gin was invented ; 
the steamboat had become a floating and a fixed fact ; slavery 
began to be talked about, and the Northern States abolished 
it, while the Southern ones clung to it with greater 
tenacity than ever. It is the nature of Americans to have 




General Scott iinisliiug the Mexican War. 

some subject or other for agitation, and here was a fruitful 
one. 

Well, we went on makinof Presidents and ereat statesmen 
until the outbreak of the war with Mexico — a fancy war that 
Taylor and Scott finished up gloriously, Santa Anna getting 
kicked out of time, and sent hobblincr off on his wooden 



liUK'KTors COMIC iiisroiiY OF a:^iekica. 



59 



leo-. This only made the American eagle scream louder, of 

course. 

Thino-s went on "just lovely " with Uncle Sam until the 
North and South began to muss and hump their backs about 

the darky. 

Finally that unruly member of the family laying south of 




Nailing the old flag to the mast at Fort Siuuter. 



the then black-wool line got fighting mad, and began throw- 
ing stones and things at the North. 

Then they captured forts and arsenals. In fact, the 
young Confederacy acted very much as the old Thir- 
teen States had acted toward England, although it did 
not ha e so strong a cause or so good a reason for rebellion. 



eo 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTOlfr OF AMERICA. 




Colnmbia si)ankiiig her rebellions boy. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. > 6t 

This conduct at first made Columbia very sad ; she could 
hardly believe it. But when news came of the gallant defense 
of Fort Sumter, where the " old flag " was nailed to the mast, 
only to be shot down — not lowered — then she got mad, and 
just went for that unruly boy. 

She finally caught him as he was trying to escape from 
Richmond, and gave him a spanking at Appomattox Court 
House, 

Then she felt satisfied, and so did the boy, although he 
sulked some afterward. But the spanking did him good, and/ 
although he lost his woolly hobby, he has grown stronger and' 
better on account of it. 

Still, misunderstandinors will occur in the best regulated 
families, and possibly we may grow wiser as we spread and 
fill out. 

But the duty of the comic historian is nearly at an end. 
Peace reigned, and so did Uncle Sam. 

One hundred years had rolled away since he had kicked 
against the tyranny of the mother country, and he resolved on 
having a grand celebration on the centennial year of his 
national existence. 

The bells should ring, the cannons howl, the bald-headed 
eagle be allowed to scream, and everybody given permission 
to burn powder in larger quantities, and make louder and 
longer speeches than on any previous Fourth of July. 

And where could all this be done so well and appropriately 
as at Philadelphia, where the Declaration of Independence 
was first written and read to the world ? 

Philadelphia shouted unanimously, " Nowhere !" 

Well, so thought Uncle Samuel, and he went to work to 
get up the greatest International Exhibition, in honor of his 
one hundredth birthdav, that was ever known. 



62 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 




Uncle Sam soars aloft on tlie back of the American Eagle. 



BRICKTOPS COMIC HISTORY OF AMERICA. 63 

And has he not done it ? 

Hurrah ! He soars aloft on his game-cock ! 

Beat the drums and squeak the fife ! 

Let New England rejoice through her nose ! 

Let all parts rejoice, and swear one hundred years more of 
fealty to the old flag. We ought to be willing to agree to a 
little thing like that. 

Attention, company ! March ! 

All shout : 

" Forever float that standard sheet 

While breathes the foe, but falls before us, 
With freedom's soil beneath our feet, 
And freedom's banner wavino- o'er us !" 

'RAH! 



THE END. 



